Icarus Building a Rocket # 4

Neruda Rising

Yesterday I was in the company of two Australian women I have known for a while now. And over a glass of wine the issue of gender raised its head as they discussed what they would do if they had a penis - goodness, if they only knew. Neruda did when he wrote:

Comes a time when I am tired of being a man...

Comes a time I'm tired of my feet and my fingernails

and my hair and my shadow.

Comes a time I'm tired of being a man.



Yay!



I know just what he means but how do you explain that except as a song or a poem to two Australian professors who are a lot smarter than most and you are soon outspoken (ie they can outspeak you). And then I console myself by reading Neruda's TWENTY LOVE POEMS  and I think - hmm, its not so bad after all. Although instead of lingering on 'I can write the saddest verses' I might stay awhile with, 'I like it when your quiet'. But onwards, today another piece of magic, my first book of 2012 dropped on the mat - yay to it and to me. I guess its not so bad being a man sometimes. But then it cuts in again and there is always another book to be written, so I best get my (wee) buns in gear. And while I was writing this I found myself listening to this song - because my iTunes is on shuffle and it just popped up nicely - its a man song about a river which he sings with his wife.

Icarus Building a Rocket # 3

Hiding again

And then suddenly that old black dog hounds you through the night and you can't escape the thoughts it brings even though you realise that missing someone who is out making friends and having a laugh and re-naming herself Abz because there is another Abbi on her floor and she is out having fun with her new 'cool' chums the idea of it all should be so cheering but all it has done is rob me of my ability to punctuate to stop and take a breather which I need to do - hoo! That's better, heart to heartbeat, words to song, song to birds that cross the ocean to sing of the girl who has joined the sooners: http://www.soonersports.com/sports/w-tennis/spec-rel/111511aaa.html but so soon, so soon and dad so proud but did it have to be so soon. I guess it did. lippy kids all grow up sometimes to build a rocket:

Icarus Building a Rocket # 2

Nocturnal nights

These past nights have been odd because every time Abbi plays a match she txts me with the score - which is great, except they come around 2.15 am. And then I am awake, drinking tea and happy for her because the messages are so full of joy and achievement. She has landed on Oklahoma, moved into her room, hung up her clothes in her 'closet' as she now calls it, bought herself a new duvet and sheets and pillows and even gone out to dinner to celebrate her team mates 21st birthday. And life goes on without her here, peppered with facebook messages and skype calls and txt messages and all is good. And teaching begins on Monday for me and a couple of Australians are over and life moves into its next cycle, just as it should. Optimism is something I have always carried with me and so I have begun writing a new song on mandolin:

I was born north of the border
south of the river
and west of the sea
where we sang que sera sera, whatever will be will be... and I love the mandolin on this:

Icarus watching

Abbi now in Oklahoma

Who, if I cried, would hear me among the angelic orders? And even if one of them suddenly
pressed me against his heart, I should fade in the strength of his stronger existence. For beauty’s nothing but the beginning of terror we’re still just able to bear, and we find it so bewitching since it serenely disdains to destroy us. Every angel is terrible. From The first elegy, RM Rilke

Its an empty house without the noisiest person. But we must look forward and maybe this is the way to go, Oklahoma style:

Icarus resolves...

New Year Resolutions

I have taken the unprecedented step (for me) to write a list of new year resolutions which I aim to stick to - and if I don't I will rebuke myself. And there is a good reason. Last year was an incredibly hard one, work wise, and this year I plan to work just as hard but to take better care of my well-being at the same time. Here is the list (with some space for the imagination).

1. I resolve to stop ...
2. I will no longer do ...
3. ... is bad for me so I shan't
4. I like ... but I abstain for the sake of my health
5. There is no number 5
6. I will do more ...
7. I will accept ... more often

There, I feel better already. Happy New Year, Suzanne's down by the river...

Icarus flying... 1 #

Counting the days...

The time of year has arrived when we get to reflect and genuflect and consider and plan for the future. My baby girl who isn't such a baby now (more of a babe) is fleeing the nest to take up her University place - but so far away, Oklahoma for goodness sake. And so as my picture reveals I am in cowboy repose. But last night as the bell struck 12 I had a good feeling about this year and a half full glass appeared in my hand - how cool was that. And I have been reading Ondaatje's 'Elimination Dance' (already this year) and I am not going to be eliminated, not yet, for I am not:

Any lover who has gone into a flower shop on Valentines Day and asked for clitoris instead of clematis...

Funny though that might have been, I know what he means by it. But I have to confess, 2012 already feels special. I wonder how that can be, it looks the same as yesterday, although in some ways not, so all I can hope for is that my hair turns whiter before it falls out for I have a feeling that everything else is going to be just fine. I might even write another book or two - though I have plans for three, which will do just fine for me. Happy new year! This Year I am going to do more Dad Dancing!